Finalized

Decree of Adoption states:

It is further ordered, adjudged and decreed that the adoption of Brandon Lee M, a minor child, by Gregory and Jamie, husband and wife, be and is hereby ganted;  that said child is herby adopted as the child of said petitioners; and that the name of the child be changed to Brandon Lee H

Forever family created 12/29/11

Signature

On December 18th 2011 Brandon' birthfather signed the relinquishment papers to terminate his parental rights to Brandon!!!  We have been waiting for this moment for 2.5 years and never believing that it would happen.  We assumed we would have to go back to court and fight AGAIN.  We are in a state of shock, shear happiness, and well yeah happiness.  We now look forward to December 29th where we will ask the judge to make our adoption final.  Court is at 3pm and will be celebrating afterwards.  Celebrating the adoption, family, and friends who helped make this journey a little more bearable.  We are so thankful we get to raise our son Brandon and never have to worry about him being taken away from us.  We can let go of those nightmares, let go of that worry, let go of that fear.  WHAT A RELIEF!!  Words can not really express where our hearts are right now.  We are simply enjoying focusing on the finalization.  We received a call from the lawyer today asking, "What do you want to name your son?"   It's nice to be asked that question.  We are excited about the hearing, the celebration, and the major closure we will be getting in just 9 short days from today!!

Mediation

Third times the charm, I hope.  This is the third time mediation has been rescheduled, but we will keep our fingers crossed.  It's currently set for Dec 18th at 2:30 

Travel

Lawyers new plan since our BF has used every excuse in the book not to come to KC is for us to go to him.  Our lawyer will be in that area in a few weeks and we are trying to pull this all together.  It will mean that Greg and I will have to travel to St Louis, pick up BF, drive to Columbia (2hours) have meeting with everyone, then drive Justin back St. Louis, and then oh yes drive the 4 hours back to KC.  Jeez!!!   How awesome is that going to be?

Update

Absolutely nothing has happened since last post.  The days seem to go like this,  spoke with BF and hes coming up, wait a week and he wont answer my calls, now hes not coming.  Then hes coming and now hes not coming, repeat, repeat.  No dates secured for the future, but the mediator is back from her summer vacation so we will try to reschedule with her.  In the mean time we celebrated Brandon's second birthday, Alyssa started school, car repair bills were more than the car was worth so we traded in our car for a newer model with a warranty, we are headed to OR next week for Greg's brother's wedding, and then Alyssa's birthday in a few weeks. Lots of things to do to TRY to keep our mind off that fact that our adoption is not finalized.  Sorry I dont update much, I have been pretty upset for the last few months.  We never expected our birthfather to tell us he would sign away his rights and we were pleasantly surprised, but then for him to take it away from us after dangling it in front of us has been really hard to get past.  We are trying though.

New Date

We finally found out why nobody could reach him, he lost his phone!  Third phone number in 2 months, jeez.  We heard from our lawyer that he was no longer wanting to sign his rights away.  BIG disappointment!  We were pretty surprised considering how well we were getting to know this family. Then we decided we needed to get him back to mediation and finally we heard this last Friday that he was willing to me us for mediation on July 18th.  So this is our new date to pray/hope for that this will all end.  On this date either he will sign his rights away or we will know our next step will be court (AGAIN)!  It seems like such a long time ago that we were thinking about being in court, going through the trial, worrying about the judge, but all those worries came flooding back. For now we will focus on his birthday coming up and trying to stay positive. 

2 Months

2 Months post mediation and nobody seems to be able to reach him. 

No News

Nearly two months post mediation and we are still not done.  We all thought the process would go relatively fast after Justin said he would "be ok with finalizing."  Too bad he has a lawyer that is too gun shy to ask Justin to do what he said that he would for fear of losing all the progress we have made!  So sick to think I have no idea when this will be over, I have no idea what the other attorneys plan is. We have sought the help of our mediator last week who sent a very nice and motivating email to the other attorney indicating the faster we can wrap this up the better for everyone, and we wait....nothing.  Now the mediator is planning on calling the other attorney to discuss the hold up.  I mean seriously now we have an attorney that is dragging his feet, can we catch a break! Very very very angry and tired of the unknown.

Same nose, same chin.

Visit

Had a visit today with the birthfathers family.  Met some more of his family and we were very excited to meet his older full biological brother Jimmy.  He's very sweet.  We spent 6 hours together at the zoo and it was actually fun.  The kids had tons of fun and everyone seemed in great spirits.  We are not sure if the birthfathers attorney has spoke with him about terminating his rights so hopefully we will get more info on that soon. 

Big Sigh

We currently dont know if the attorney is going to ask our birthfather to sign this weekend as originally thought.  He just does not know if its the right time.  Words can not even describe our frustration!  We thought we were so close!  Now we wait     again

Good News

After weeks of trying to schedule this out, its been decided that our birthfather will be here in 9 days to sign over his rights to Brandon!!  So happy to have a date set and so happy to be counting down to something positive. 

Interesting Twist

The drive to mediation was a silent drive..not knowing what we walking into.  We arrive at 10:30, wonder around the building and finally find the office we are supposed to be in.  The mediator is with Justin-victory number 1-he showed up!! We met with the mediator from 11 to 12.  She asked us about our family and we talked about what we were willing to offer regarding an open adoption.  The mediator told us about the conversation that Justin and her had.  He was full of anger about the situation as he does not grasp the concept of why he was not able to have Brandon from the beginning.  He was angry with our adoption agency and our birth mother for giving us Brandon, but the good thing was that he was finally not angry with us.  Big Step!  Around noon we walked into a room that the birth father was already in and did an official introduction of ourselves with hand shaking and everything.  Somehow general conversation went on for what seemed like an hour.  Maybe it was just me because I was paying three people to be there, but we finally got down to business.  The mediator asked our birth father what he wanted regarding pictures and contact.  The discussion of him having Brandon never took place, it was like he had been advised (thank god) that he would most likely not win in court and this was his opportunity to ask for what he wanted.  Two hours later we were leaving mediation to get Brandon so they could have a visit with him.  In essence a verbal agreement to relinquish his rights was made!  Nothing official as the lawyer and mediators thought it might be too much to ask him to sign as we were all pretty much walking on eggshells around him trying not to say the wrong thing.  We spent the next two hours with our birth father, his father, Greg and I, and Brandon.  We all played with Brandon and at times it was really hard for our birth father to see Brandon and to see him pull away from him as he was a complete stranger.  We sent them back to IL with a full tank of gas and drinks on us.  Trying to keep them as happy as we can!  Our birth fathers father was surprisingly encouraging Justin that this open adoption arrangement was a good thing to do.  We talked a little about how often and what kind of contact we could all agree on but nothing official was decided.  We gave each other our PO Box addresses so we could send things to each other for Brandon.  He even texted us when he got home that night to let us know he made it home allright, which was about midnight, poor guy had been up since 2:30AM that morning.  The plan is for him to return on a weekend sometime in the near future (2-3 weeks) to sign the papers and have his mom meet Brandon and have another visit session.  So we feel like we are on the brink of this all being over, but we are not there yet.  Nothing in mediation is binding so we can only hope and pray that he will not change his mind.  Now again we wait and wait and every call or email we get we will wonder if somethings changed or not.  Please keep the prayers coming! 
I was in Brandon's room today all by myself-could not bring myself to go to work today (way to exhausted) and I was able to say the word son out loud for one of the first times ever without feeling so uncertain about our future. That felt really good! 

Fun Pics-making these for mediation as a peace offering

Mediation

Things have changed...not surprised, but not too much.  Mediation is now scheduled for Thursday.  BFather will meet with the mediator, then we will meet with the mediator, and then we will all meet together.  Will let you know how that goes.  In the meantime, enjoy the most recent pic of the kids :-)

BBQ PARTY

WOW-Tebbe Family you sure know how to throw a party!!  Had so much fun last night and I dont think there are any words that I can use to show our gratitude...but I will try.  Thank you so much for putting on this fundraiser for our little B, its so amazing to see all the support we have! Bob and family-thank you so much for donating some beverages and silent auction items!!
Fiedlers-thank you for bringing the bounce house-my kids are still sleeping :-)  And thank you to everyone who came out and supported us, and also to those who were unable to come, but supported us anyways!  Thank you to everyone who prays for Brandon and our family.  Thank you to everyone who thinks about Brandon and lets us know they are thinking about us. 
I kept trying to take a moment to look around and take it all in, but then I would start to cry!   Will never forget this night, felt so loved!! 

Mediation

Something we never thought the birth-father would agree to, but he has agreed to try mediation.  No guarantees, but if it works then we would win and wound not have to go to court.  If it does not work, we would be out more money and time.  I am pretty sure this is good news, but we certainly have our hearts guarded as usual.
Really looking forward to the Party this Saturday...hopefully the weather is cooperative!

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women
Who never knew each other.
One you do not remember,
The other you call mother.

Two different lives
Shaped to make yours one,
One became your guiding star,
The other became your sun.

The first gave you life,
And the second taught you to live it.
And the first gave you a need for love,
And the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality.
The other gave you a name.
One gave you the seeds of talent,
The other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.

One gave you up,
It was all that she could do.
The other prayed for a child,
And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me through your tears,
The age old question through the years.
Heredity or environment, Which are you a product of?
Neither, my Darling, Neither,
Just two different kinds of love.

March 31 2011

Thank goodness for my dear friend April that helped me with my flat tire this morning.  She is my official "knight in shining armour". 

Planning on hitting the kids consignment sale in town today.  Those are always a little painful for me as I love to shop for the kids and to get good deals, but whenever I see something for Brandon that is for the coming season I have to question...We we still have him then...  I hate those constant reality checks.

Hoping to hear from the lawyer today.

Just spoke with possible new attorney-He said that he got the transcript of the judges original decision yesterday so he will read that and will get back to us by Thursday.  Hopefully we will get more insight from him about what he thinks about the case.

Long Story Short

Our son was born on July 16th, 2009.  Our birthmother relinquished her
parental rights to our adoption agency on July 17th, 2009 and we have had
our wonderful son since that day.  Our birthmother placed Brandon for
adoption due to no support from the birthfather.  The birthfather and
mother have another child together that the birthfather was also not
supporting.  The birthmother stated to us that the birthfather did not like
the idea of placing the baby for adoption, but she assured us that he
wouldn’t do anything to stop the adoption from taking place. Unfortunately,
that was not the case.

We filed a petition for the termination of the birthfather’s rights and we
had our first hearing in October 2009.  Our birthfather showed up to court
without a lawyer to contest the adoption and a hearing was set for February
2010.  The birthfather finally retained an attorney in January and the
lawyer immediately requested the birthfather have a visit with Brandon
, which was granted.  One hour was spent together with the birthfather and our son.  No
further visitation request has been made to date.

Our Judge denied our request to terminate the birthfathers rights based on
several accounts that were not accurate.  Not only were they not accurate,
but also we had evidence to support the exact opposite.  Our birthfather
admitted to not providing any support to the birthmother during the
pregnancy, after the pregnancy, admits to having knowledge of where the
birthmother was at all times and pretty much did not have any excuse to not supporting her (or their other son that she was raising on her own).

We immediately submitted an appeal and from April 2010 until December 2010
we waited and waited.  Finally the Court of Appeals made their decision on
December 17th, 2010.  They affirmed in part, reversed in part and remanded
certain issues back to the District Court for a retrial. Then we had to
wait an agonizing 30 days to see if the birthfather was going to submit an
appeal to this decision, which would have taken our case to the Supreme
Court.  Thankfully he did not appeal and the decision became final.

This brings us to our most recent trial on March 09, 2011 where again the
birthfather showed up without a lawyer of his own. He then requested a
court appointed lawyer.  The request was granted and the case was
rescheduled for 4-6 weeks out.  This request was granted for a court
appointed lawyer despite the mountain of evidence that we have that the
birthfather could afford a lawyer on his own, but chooses to spend his
money on other things. We were told at this point that we might be
responsible for paying for the birthfather's lawyer.  We were devastated
with the possibility that we not only have to continue to pay our own legal
fees, but also the birthfather’s attorney fees.  We continue to be
overwhelmed with the thought of how we could ever afford this.